Lyrics of Language or the kiss

I don't know if it was real or in a dream
Lately waking up i'm not sure where i've been
There was a table set for six and five were there
I stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair

And there was steam on the windows from the kitchen
Laughter like a language i once spoke with ease
But i'm made mute by the virtue of decision
And i choose most of your life goes on without me

Oh the fear i've known
That i might reap the praise of strangers
And end up on my own
All i've sown was a song but maybe i was wrong

I said to you the one gift which i'd adore
The package of the next 10 years unfolding
But you told me if i had my way i'd be bored
Right then i knew i loved you best born of your scolding

When we last talked we were lying on our backs
Looking up at the sky through the ceiling
I used to lie like that alone out on the driveway
Trying to read the greek upon the stars the alphabet of feeling

Oh, i knew back then
It was a calling that said "if joy then pain"
The sound of the voice these years later
Is still the same

I am alone in a hotel room tonight
I squeeze the sky out but there's not a star appears
Begin my studies with this paper and this pencil
And i'm working through the grammar of my fears

Oh, mercy what i won't give
To have the things that mean the most
Not to mean the things i miss
Unforgiving the choice still is the language or the kiss