Lyrics of A year and an ocean

I'm trying too hard to forget to just be me.
Forgetting to forget the imagined audience.
Who i wish would understand me,
Yet never know me.
Because i can't bear to show what i don't know.
This is why i discuss trivialities.
This is why i seem so strong.
Because my shell won't be cracked if i make sure you never find out how to.
Yet i want to open up.
I want to see who i am.
I want to see.
But it terrifies me to think that maybe you love me for what i say and not who i am.
My politics just aren't me;
Just another wall between you and i.

The select few who've seen through the facade,
I pushed away in horror.
Afraid of what they knew.
I withheld so much about myself to keep a fucked-up advantage
And now i see i never had anything to gain.
So now there's no more trying to "just be me".
No more hiding behind a language. just expose myself for what i've been;
A fraud,
Cashing in on rhetoric
That i learned to abuse,
What i used to push you away.
That i used to win even though.. every single time i lost.
Every single time.