Lyrics of If

If i was your tv i'd be like,"look at me"
If i was a shootin' star i'd be like,"peace"
If i was a fat bitches thong i'd be like,"hell naw'
If i was a hotties thong i'd be like,"aww"

If i was a cuss word i'd just be like,"fuck"
If i was a rock on the moon i'd be chillin' like,"sup?"
If i was a butthole i'd just be an exit
If i was the d.o.c. i'd be like,"man this is bullshit"

If i was the tires on your car i'd be like,"neaw"
If i was the bumper on your car i'd be like,"aww fuck"
If i was a balloon i'd be like,"pap"
If i was allysa milano i'd be fuckin' joe bruce

If i was a radio dj i'd probably say,"the point 103"
If i was a richy ass bitch i'd be like,"umm, okay"
If i was spin' magazine i'd put me on the cover and be like,"fuck us
And all our readers, even us motherfucker"

If i was your mental stress i'd be catchin' up
If i was your headaches every now and then i'd be like,"thonk"
If i was your tongue i'd be hatin' your teeth
I'd be like,"man why do you try to bite me every time we try to eat?"

If i was a chair i'd be like,"sit here"
If i was kid rock i'd cut my feathered wolf hair
If i was your muffler i'd be like,"shhh, quietly"
If i was a price tag i'd be like,"you ain't buyin' me"

If i was a fresh ass dj i'd be like
If i was jam master j i'd be like
If i was a cheap clock radio i'd be like
"tune that motherfucker in"

If i was barry white i'd be like,"what up y'all?"
If i was nipple in the cold i'd be like
If i was your dead uncle i'd be like"
If i was a raindrop i'd just be like
And if i had an ax to your neck i might say,"chop"

If i was, if i was, but i'll never be
If i was, if i was, but i'll never be
If i was, if i was, but i'll never be
If i was, if i was, but i'll never be
If i was, if i was, but you're killin' me
If i was, if i was, but you're killin' me

If i was a faygo at one of our shows
I'd fly through the air into and ocean of juggalos
If i was andre the giant,"this is how i'd be talking"
If i was father mc i'd be like,"now what happened?"

If i was a mirror, i'd find another mirror
And look each other dead in the eye, crystal clear
If i was a slider i'd slide out your butt
I'd be floatin' in your toilet lookin' at you like,"what?"

If i was a pilot i'd be like,"this is air traffic control"
If i was john denver i'd be like,"no"
If i was a switch i'd be like,"flick me, yoo-hoo"
If i was a london cop car i'd be like,"wee-oop wee-oop"

If i was chewbacca i'd get a fresh ass fade
If i was vanilla ice i'd be like,"fuck y'all, i'm still paid"
If i was a stop sign i'd just be like,"stop"
If i was your wooden leg i'd still be givin' you the hip-hop

If i was, if i was, but i'll never be
If i was, if i was, but i'll never be
If i was, if i was, but i'll never be
If i was, if i was, but i'll never be
If i was, if i was, but you're killin' me
If i was, if i was, but you're killin' me
If i was, if i was, but i'll never be
If i was, if i was, but i'll never be